Dave and Amy

What Happened

Clouds were dropping flakes of snow gently and slowly to cover the ground in glistening white. Everything looked pure and new with the fresh coat of snow lying on top of it. It fell in a solid sheet almost too thick to see through. The pristine white snow was a stark contrast to the pitch black sky. Looking up Dave saw the flakes as stars falling to Earth. He used to love the winter months, especially on nights like this, with soft snow drifting down like feathers. There was a unique silence that could only be experienced on cold winter nights. A kind of quiet that made it feel as if the world stopped moving and started holding it’s breath. The crunching of snow under Dave’s shoes was the only sound on the empty city streets and he felt like it might wake up the houses he was passing. It was hard to see the sidewalk in front of him, looking through the snow was like looking through a pane of frosted glass, where shapes and lights were the only things distinguishable. Nights like this made him nostalgic and thoughtful. He remembered how he and Amy would spend these nights curled together on the couch, wrapped in a blanket, embraced in each others warmth. They’d watch movies and stare out the window at the falling snow. Those were the nights that he knew they were perfect for one another.

Dave walked with purpose down the abandoned streets of the city. His nose and cheeks were red in the cold night air and his hands were tucked safely in his jacket pockets to protect them. There was a familiarity to these streets, he’d walked them hundreds of times before, and probably could’ve made this trip with his eyes closed. The snow was still falling, appearing as tiny diamonds under the streetlamps. Up ahead he saw the familiar neon sign of the bar he and Amy used to frequent. The bartender still knew him by name, but he hadn’t been there in a year. Too many memories were held in that place. Too many meaningful conversations, drunken nights with friends, and long loving glances lined the walls of that bar like pictures on display. He walked past without as much as a glance inside the window. A few blocks down he walked past the apartment he and Amy shared, but now lived at alone. Instead of turning he kept going straight, he had another destination tonight. Three more blocks and he could see the restaurant where Amy worked up the street. The large white and red sign was easily noticeable even through the falling snow.

Before he got to the restaurant he turned and walked down the small alley between two buildings. Halfway down he stopped and leaned against the wall. This is where it all happened. He took a deep breath that quivered in this throat as the tears started to run warmly down his cheeks. After a few minutes he crouched down and buried his head into his knees. This dirty, unassuming alley was the last thing she ever saw, and it would haunt him forever. He wondered, as he always did, what she thought about in those last moments. Did her life flash before her eyes? Did she hope and pray that someone would come along? Did she think about me? The police said it was a mugging gone wrong, although Dave wasn’t sure how mugging could go right. They told him they were sorry for his loss and told him to go home and get some rest. His friends were shocked and worried about him. The depression he fell into was deep and unforgiving. Those closest to him all said the same thing, it hurts like hell now, but eventually it will fade and then you can move on. It’s been two years and every night when he closes his eyes he still sees her smiling face and then it’s replaced by gentle snow falling over her lifeless body in his arms.

By the time he got home it was late. Dave poured a glass of scotch, drank it down in one gulp, poured another, and walked into the living room. He sat and stared out the window like he and Amy used to. Around him were pictures of them, paintings Amy had done, and other small reminders of the life he lost. In the bedroom it was even worse. Her clothes still hung in the closet and lined dresser drawers. Dave knew he should’ve gotten rid of everything long ago, but he could never bring himself to actually do it. He was hanging on to her the only way he knew how. Amy’s things littered the apartment and haunted him with memories of the past. None of Dave’s friends knew how bad it was. They hadn’t been over since it happened and he didn’t want them knowing his secret. He finished his drink and fell into bed where he stared at the ceiling until sleep finally came.

The next morning the snow had finally stopped and his friend called to invite him out to lunch. Slowly he got dressed and made his way down the street. In the midday sun the snow sparkled like a crystal blanket of pure white. Cars made their way down disgustingly slushy streets making the silence of the previous night seem unbelievable. There was a small café a few blocks away where he met Andy every few days for lunch or dinner. As per usual Andy was sitting in the corner booth waiting for Dave.

“Glad you could make it,” Andy said and pushed a cup of coffee towards Dave, “figured you’d need it this morning.”

“What makes you think that?” Dave said sipping the coffee.

“You went out the alley again last night,” Andy said, “didn’t you?”

“How would you know?”

“Because I saw the snow last night,” Andy explained, “and I see the hungover look in your eye this morning. Plus I know you.”

“Yeah I went out there,” Dave said tiredly, “but I can’t help it. I can’t get over it.”

“Look,” Andy started, “I’m not even going to imagine how traumatic it is to have your girlfriend murdered, not to mention the fact that you found her body, but you need to talk to someone man.”

“No, I’m-“

“You’re fine,” Andy interrupted, “No you’re not. You’ve been saying that for two years, but you’re still going to that alley every few months and reliving it. You’re still living in the same apartment surrounded by her things. You’re falling deeper and deeper down and I’m afraid what’s going to happen when you hit the bottom. You’ve never told any of us what really happened. If you don’t tell someone soon, you’ll never get over this.”

“I’m assuming you have something or someone in mind?”

“I do actually.”

“Well let’s hear it then.”

“Rebecca’s older sister is a therapist and she thinks it’d be good if you saw her, talked to her, and I think it’d be good too.”

They sat in silence until the waitress came up to take their order.

“I’ll do it,” Dave said after she walked away.

“Really?” Andy said surprised, “why?”

“Because you’re right,” Dave sighed, “I can’t keep living like this. I wake up every morning and see everything as bleak and meaningless. I surround myself with her things as if it’ll bring her back, but I know I’m just torturing myself in the long run.”

“Good, I’ll let Rebecca know.”

“One thing though,” Dave looked at Andy, “why did you wait so long to push me into this?”

“Because I honestly thought you’d be able to handle this on your own, but I see now that you need help and like usual you refuse to ask for it.”

“You know me all too well my friend,” Dave smiled.

They talked some more and ate their lunch like normal. Dave walked home unsure of what he just agreed to, but knew that it was the right thing to do. He had been avoiding reality for so long he needed Andy to come along and push him back into it. Maybe now Dave could rid himself of the ghosts that have been following around for so long.

Dave sat in the therapist’s office looking around and wondering if all therapists used the same decorator. Or maybe people just expect their offices to look a specific way. He sat on a dark red couch staring at a bookcase that took up the entire wall across from him. The doctor’s desk was a large oak piece of furniture that matched the size of the bookcase perfectly. As Dave was surveying his surroundings the doctor walked in.

“Hello Dave,” she said invitingly, “I’m Kim.”

“Hello,” Dave said, “Rebecca’s sister, right?”

“Yeah,” Kim said, “but don’t worry, I take doctor-patient confidentiality seriously.”

“I’m not worried,” Dave smiled, “her and Andy know a lot of the story anyway.”

“Alright then,” Kim sat in a chair across from Dave, “you want to tell me about that night.”

“Sure,” Dave said and took a deep breath, “it was two years ago, during the winter. It was snowing, not a blizzard or anything, the kind of soft snowfall you always see in movies. Anyway, Amy worked a few blocks from our place and always enjoyed the walk. She said it helped her relax after a busy shift. On this night though, she called me on her break and asked if I could pick her up. I was at work and didn’t think I’d be home in time so I told her I couldn’t make it. I got home earlier than I thought and figured Amy would be home in a few minutes. After an hour I was getting worried. I began wondering why she would be this late coming home. I assumed they asked her to stay late, cover a shift or something, but with the snow I didn’t think they could be that busy. So I decided to walk there, hoping to meet her on the way and walk her home. I walked right past the alley she was lying in. I went inside, they said she left awhile ago, and I went back outside. This time as I walked past the alley I heard something and looked and saw her. She was lying on her back in the snow staring up at the sky. I ran to her and dropped to my knees. That’s when I saw the blood stained snow around her. I called 911 and held her in my arms. She smiled weakly and closed her eyes. By the time the ambulance and cops came she was dead. They told me that the knife had just nicked a vein and that she was bleeding internally badly. After I convinced the police that I didn’t kill her I walked home and drank until I blacked out.” Dave sat in silence feeling exhausted and exposed. Kim sat in her chair and wondered where to begin.

How It Happened

Amy stood outside the restaurant holding a cigarette in one hand and her cell phone in the other.

“Think you’ll be able to pick me up tonight?” Amy asked between drags, “Jenny says the snow is supposed to get worse.”

“I’m not sure,” Dave said, “we’re pretty busy here so I might not get out in time.”

“That’s fine,” Amy said, “I’ll see you at home. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

Amy finished her cigarette and went back inside to finish her shift. Normally she liked working at the restaurant, but on cold and snowy nights like this it was slow, which meant it was boring. She couldn’t wait to be done with school and done with crappy jobs like this for good. In her mind the future was full of adventure that she was ready for. After graduation she’d find a job she loved and she and Dave would move to a nicer place. In a couple more years she knew that she’d be engaged to Dave, planning the wedding and thinking about a family. Amy felt like her life had barely begun and she was looking forward to starting the next chapter.

Once her shift finally ended Amy stepped out onto the snow covered sidewalk and sighed. She started walking and began digging through her purse to find her cigarettes when someone grabbed her and pulled her into the alley.

“Money,” the man said and moved his hand so she would see the knife.

“Ok,” she said and shakily reached for her wallet.

“Hurry it up,” he said gruffly, looking around nervously as if someone was about to walk past. 

Amy was shaking so bad that she could barely get the money out of her wallet and dropped her purse in the snow. Just then a police siren wailed in the distance and the man panicked. As Amy was bending down for her purse the man shoved her back and grabbed it. Amy started to move forward and the man thought she was coming after him. In reality she was going to pick up the few things that had fallen out of the purse when he grabbed it. She didn’t actually feel the knife stab her, but she felt the pain. The man ran off while she collapsed in the snow.

Dave had gotten home earlier than he had expected. For a minute her considered picking Amy up, but looking outside he didn’t think the snow was that bad. He hopped in the shower and then started making dinner for the two of them. He figured that after walking in the snow she’d appreciate a hot meal, plus he hadn’t cooked in awhile and it felt good. While the water boiled the oven preheated Dave turned on the TV. Half an hour later their dinner was ready, but Amy was nowhere to be found. He tried calling her with no luck. They probably asked her to stay late, Dave thought, they never ask anyone else to stay late. Another forty five minutes later and Dave decided to walk up to the restaurant and see if he could find her.

Lying there staring at the sky, watching the snow softly fall down, Amy remembered when she and Dave used to lay in the park star gazing. She tried moving, but it hurt too much, and after a time gave up. Weakness was taking control of her body. Tears streamed down the sides of her face as she thought of everything she would never accomplish and never do. She wept thinking about Dave and how much she loved him. This wasn’t supposed to happen, she thought, this wasn’t the plan. The sound of her crying echoed slightly in the cold alley and she heard someone running towards her. Dave’s face came into view and she tried to smile and reach out for him, but found her arms and legs numb. He called someone on the phone and shouted hurriedly into it before jamming it in his pocket and grabbing her. Pain seared through her as he picked her up in his arms, but she was happy to see him. Maybe things will be alright, she thought. Dave was crying and saying things to her, but she couldn’t really hear him. Everything sounded muffled and distant. Amy looked back up at the sky and didn’t notice the silence around her. She felt tired and was terribly cold. Fighting against her instincts she tried to keep her eyes open, but couldn’t. The last thing she saw was Dave’s worried face bathed momentarily in red and blue light. Then it was dark and peacefully silent.

2011